Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize