I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I could have mohawked her pubes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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