Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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