can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
