Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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