My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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