you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
