You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
