last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
