worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
