She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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