I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
