like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
