If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Randomize
