Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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