my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
