The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
