do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
