He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
