I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
