I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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