Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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