he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
