Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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