I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
