so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize