Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
