I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
