How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
