Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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