hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
