Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
