bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
