i just wanna soil my oats bro
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need water and some morals
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
