C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
