It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
