Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
