I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
