Need sex. Gaining weight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
