Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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