i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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