You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
