'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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