Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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