i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize