I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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