If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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