This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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