Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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