Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
