Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize