Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
