What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
