you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
