ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize