My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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