True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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