he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this boner is exhausting
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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