ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
