So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We named our party play list daddy issues
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
