My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
