Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
