I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
