roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
