1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
