Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
a search helicopter?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
