So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
