Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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