you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
