I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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