if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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