KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
