He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
