You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
