I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
