why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
