I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
