sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
