Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
