Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize