she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
