me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
