my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
