you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
