My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
