fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
