That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
false alarm, still single
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