She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
