She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
