..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
