It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize