We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
