so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
