Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
