She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
