i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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