It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
