How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
