I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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