he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
