let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
