Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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