I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
