I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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