Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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