i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
